Julie Hollingshead

Sandy and (Julie..in heaven)........I have been talking back and forth with you today. You told me about Julie and I wanted to know her better. I looked at all her pics....she was a stunning young lady. Whether it was with glasses, without....blond, dark, purple, or dark and blond mix.......she was stunning. Never think for one moment that she is not in heaven. Those religious people that make you think that taking your own life is a sin.....don't listen to them. If there is a God (I'm a agnostic); then, he forgives everyone. I never knew about depression....until I lost Crawford. I always wondered; "Why, are they people depressed? Life is beautiful. Be thankful". Until.....I was effected by depression. Now, I understand the overwhelming feeling of despair. Some...just want the pain to quit and the only way that they can do that is to take their life. They feel worthless. Some can be helped by others if they reach out and let someone know of their feelings. But, those that are truly depressed....you will never know; for they keep it to themselves and finally end it without saying anything to anyone. I agree with you, Sandi...that the hospital should have kept her there for a couple of weeks and not a couple of days. I am so sorry for your loss of you beautiful daughter...........I grieve with you everyday as only a parent that has also lost their only child........can.

Julie, Mother’s Day is here and my heart aches and my body misses your hugs. Somehow though, I know that you are aware of how much you mean to me, and what a special place your memory and love will always have in my heart. I lived my life loving you, caring for you and about you, trying to protect you. I can say that I failed you as a Mom because you died too young, or I can say that I fulfilled my ultimate role as a Mom because you knew how to love. There is no one I have ever known who loved more openly and genuinely than you, and after all isn’t that at the heart of it all, the importance of a life lived well to know how to give and receive love? So on this Mother’s Day, I can say I succeeded as your Mom or I can say I failed you….I don’t know yet which I can say, my heart still hurts.

Another day for you to wonder

Another day for you to mourn

It wasn't my intention to go

before the coming dawn

My pain was deep within my

heart and troubled head

It wasn't my intention to go

without words said



My frame of mind seemed normal

I thought I 'd found a way

It wasn't my intention not to

see another day

I did not mean to make you suffer

Or to cause you so much pain

it wasn't my intention to never

See you again



Despair and confusion left

My aching mind unsure

It wasn't my intention to

suddenly close life's door

if only I could give you

Reasons and brush the tears away

It wasn't my intention to leave and not stay

I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry

It wasn't my intention to leave you you

Forever asking "why?"

As the burdens of life's worries quickly ebb from my heart

It wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart

I promise to nurse, care, advocate and protect every ill, troubled, hurting soul I encounter to the best of my ability and with all my being for the rest of my life.

We miss you Julie and we certainly will never forget you.

  Hi Baby, Mommy is missing you so much especially right now...I should be buying you all kinds of fun and neat things for a stocking purse...I see everything I would buy too right now, so many cute things.  The only thing I can buy for you now is just the little snowmen for your grave.  Tears have been pouring all day today, how I wish I had you with me still.

  I still needed you, I wish you hadn't chosen to leave me all alone.  I can be surrounded by a million people yet I am alone.  I guess I am what you call one of those people with absolutely nothing left to lose.  You took a huge part of me when you left and that cannot be replaced.  People keep asking me what I want for Christmas....I just want to yell 'DON'T EVEN GO THERE YOU CAN'T GIVE IT TO ME...'  no one can, all I want is you baby.  There are no gifts in this world that would bring a smile to my face right now, I just wish Christmas would take a hike and not come back.  I don't want to see presents, turkeys, christmas specials on t.v., christmas cards or listen to Christmas music...They all bring back memories and with memories my mind turns to the what should have been this year.

  What I would give for one more hug, one more moment, one more Christmas....Everything in the entire world.  But I know no matter how hard I pray or wish this can never be....Damn this world and the people in it, I wish to God that more people took depression seriously not as a 'you'll get over it', or 'you'll be fine just smile.'.....It is an illness and a serious illness that all to many times becomes fatal....  I don't blame you baby at all, at that exact point in time you in your mind only had one option...I wish to God though like all the other times you also thought call Mom, or text Mom...You know I would have been there like all the other times things weren't going okays and you needed me....

  I hope that Christmas in Heaven is amazing for you, you deserve it to be...Know that your Mommy loves and adores you here and that one day I'll be there with you and will rub your cheeks and brow like you loved when you were tired or sick....I talk to you every day so much and I know you hear me, I feel you sometimes close to me and wish I could hug that feeling I get. 

  Merry Christmas to you Angel and know that no matter where I am or you are that nothing can seperate the love I have for you.  You live in my heart and my Soul and no one and nothing can ever change that.

I would do just about anything you'd ask,
For you there's nothing I wouldn't do, there's no such task.

I would walk without my shoes to the end of the Earth,
I would give up anything I had to, to teach you self worth.

I would hold your hand every minute of every day,
But I won't because I know you need to find your own way.

I would surely bear the heartache of your first love that's real,
Even though I can't, I will naturally feel as you feel.

I would sell my soul if it would keep you happy forever,
I would give my right arm to keep us forever together.

I would run a hundred miles up-hill in the rain,
Just to guarantee that you will never feel pain.

I would laugh with you even if I was sad,
I will give you a smile even if I'm mad.

I can only accept your mistakes with a grin on my face,
I will guide you in correcting them, but at your own pace.

I will guide you through life, as this world can get quite wild,
Just don't you ever forget that you will always be my child.

If we could bring you back again,
For one more hour or day,
We’d express all our unspoken love;
We’d have countless things to say.

If we could bring you back again,
We’d say we treasured you,
And that your presence in our lives
Meant more than we ever knew.

If we could bring you back again,
To tell you what we should,
You’d know how much we miss you now,
And if we could, we would.

 

 

Missing you so very much during this Thanksgiving...Memories of the girl who always had to have the drumstick and would drink gravy.....Love you forever and always Angel!

Her body lies breathless, in quiet sleep.
We remember her life; we cry and weep.
Life doesn't seem fair, and Death even less,
I don't understand it, I must confess.
We barely exist, in sorrow and pain;
We mourn our loss, we seethe and complain...
But what would she want, if she were alive?
Would she want us to wallow, to merely survive?
Or would she want more? Perhaps our courage -
To reject our grief with its cruel bondage!
Let's honor her now and look forward - with hope,
Remembering her life and learning to cope,
With loss as a tool to sculpt our goals -
Not as an anchor that burdens our souls.
Celebrate her life - reminisce with a grin!
Then Death will lose - and she will win!

Loving My Girl Always and Forever!!!